It's like God shit irony all over that family
Barsexuality is the new black.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
