it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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