I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
