At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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