he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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