Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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