very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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