Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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