I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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