im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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