guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
