True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
