At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Houston, we have a squirter
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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