My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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