Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
