yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
