You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
