I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
