this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
