I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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