she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
