please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
