Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
