Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What a dumb baby whore.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
