We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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