Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
