new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
