Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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