Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
