God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
