My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
