remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
