That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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