i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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