mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
