dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I sprained my soul last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
