I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
