I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
