Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
