I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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