Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
