U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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