Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
