his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
