I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
