you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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