why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
