i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this beer tastes like vomit already
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
