i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
