i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck me I smell like cheese
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
