He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
