How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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