this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
